Giddy-Up

We have started feeling like we are in a bit of a rut (not really but I have to start this story somehow). This rut is because we have been seeing amazing things day in and day out and after a while this starts to get old (again, not really...it's all part of the story). Since most of these amazing things that we have been seeing require foot power to access, we have been hiking a ton...nearly 1,200 miles of foot powered exploration since we left Seattle, so my dogs have been barking (feet = ouch). Since I still love to see amazing stuff everyday, we had to figure out a way to see more stuff while giving my barking dogs a break. And since the best way to break out of a rut is to try something different...something different was in order.

It just so happens that we were passing through a little town called Cottonwood in Arizona on our way to the big Thanksgiving Day festivities at my brother's house when we saw something that would break us out of our rut (again, we really aren't in a rut). There is a place in Cottonwood that rents horses by the hour. Kind of like a car rental place except with horses instead of cars and you don't really get to pick which model of horse you get. They pick the horse for you based on your height, weight, experience, etc. Since I wanted a walking break for a day and we were in a serious rut (nope), what better way to see some more cool stuff than by having something else do the walking for us.

So we decide to rent some horses for a few hours. After we fill out our necessary waivers and rental forms, it's time to meet our trusty steeds. I don't remember Brenda's horse's name but it was something calming and confidence inspiring, like Rose, or Dancer, or Sweet Pea. My horse's name was anything but sweet. He was Archie...aka El Diablo, aka Widow Maker, aka Greased Lightning, aka Mind of My Own.

After we meet our trusty steeds and the cowboys that get the horses ready for us, I quickly realize that we are severely under prepared and under dressed for this adventure. All of the cowboys at this rental agency are real cowboys...and they look like real cowboys...complete with cowboy hats, cowboy boots, spurs, wrangler jeans, belt buckles the size of Texas, and they are covered with a layer of dust so thick you would need a jackhammer to chisel it off. I don't have any of this stuff and I am pretty sure that I need it. After I tell Brenda that I need some of this stuff to really experience the experience, she tells me to “suck it up. We aren't getting you some cowboy gear so you can feel cool while you are sitting on a horse!” “Not even the hat or the belt buckle that's the size of Texas” I ask? She says “you get nothing!” Bummer.

When we meet the cowboys, I notice that my city lingo doesn't resonate with the cow-folk. I say “Hi, how are you?” to the wranglers and I don't think they understand what I am saying because they look at me confused and then say a quick “howdy Ma'am” that is directed at my wife (complete with a tilt of the hat and a smile and a wink). Brenda blushes and giggles a little bit. I don't know what this “howdy ma'am” meant but Brenda sure picked up on it. I am now sure that I need to know their lingo and I need some of their cowboy gear to fit in.

Now that the introductions and the “howdy ma'am” is over with, it's time to saddle up. The cowboys gather around Brenda and help her onto her horse and give her a quick tutorial on how to drive Sweet Pea. They adjust her saddle so she is comfortable and offer to show her around the trails on their day off if she feels like coming back on Saturday (another tilt of the hat and a wink and a smile happen here). They point me over to Widow Maker and say “have fun...and oh yeah...hold on...and good luck out there.” I am pretty sure they either don't realize that we came together as a couple or maybe they don't really care. Either way, I climb up onto my giant wild stallion and whisper into his ear “please be gentle.” El Diablo does a head shake and makes a horsy noise that tells me he isn't going to be gentle...so I hold on.

The cowboys tell Brenda which trails to go on, what she'll see, and throw out an “are you sure you don't want us to come with you to show you around?” as they lead Brenda and her horse out of the stables (again with the hat tilt, wink, and smile). Then they come over to me and slap Greased Lightning on the butt and say “Giddy-up!!! See you in a few hours...if you're lucky!” and send me on my way.

I have always loved me some horse power between my legs but I have preferred that horse power to come with 2 wheels and a throttle. I prefer the two wheeled horse power because it goes exactly where I point it and at exactly the speed I want it to go.  I experience 8 minutes of sheer terror until Greased Lightning turns back into Archie and slows to a pace that I am comfortable with (standing still). Brenda catches up to me with Rose and now we are standing in the desert with our trusty steeds with nothing but wide open spaces to explore. This is actually pretty cool. There are trails and cool stuff to see everywhere and I don't have to walk. It's great.

I quickly come to terms with Mind of My Own and realized that he was in charge and that he was hungry. He liked to eat just about everything we walked past. It may have been because he was hauling around a big fat guy and needed to get some extra energy to make it back to the stables or maybe he just was showing me that he was the boss. Either way, I was happy to be out seeing cool stuff while not doing the walking to see the cool stuff. Brenda was happy because she loves horses, cowboys, having cowboys oogle over her, and seeing cool stuff.

After our few hours of playing western roundup, we made our way back to the stables. Sweet Pea knew exactly where to go and the cowboys rushed over to help Brenda down from her trusty steed (while tilting their hats, smiling, and winking). When Widow Maker sees the stables come into view, he decides he wants the fat guy off his back NOW and runs like Greased Lightning to the spot where the fat guy is supposed to get off his high horse. As El Diablo is running past one of the cowboys to the get-the-fat-guy-off-of-me spot, I throw out my best cowboy lingo (I had been practicing for last 3 hours) and say “howdy pardnuh!” I don't think the cowboy understood me because he still didn't acknowledge my lingo. He just made his way over to my cowgirl wife and proceeded to ask her about her ride, what was her sign, how long she was in town, did she want the private tour on his day off, he was happy to massage her if she was sore from a long day in the saddle, etc. It went on and on and on for 18 minutes (I timed it). These cowboys sure did have great customer service...when it came to my wife. As for me, I don't really think that they knew I was in town.

Anyway, it turns out that a day in the saddle was pretty fun. It broke us out or our rut, we got to see some cool stuff, and I didn't have to use my feet to see the cool stuff. Amazing. The other benefit of our day spent with the horses is that I learned some new stuff. My second favorite thing behind seeing cool stuff is learning new stuff so this was a doubly fun day. What did I learn you ask? Well, here is a list of just some of those things:

Brenda loves riding horses

Cowboys like girls that are riding horses

Brenda seems to like cowboys

Cowboys don't seem to like city boys

I need to get some cowboy gear

Horses don't smell very good

Saddles give you saddle sores

It's a long way from the saddle to the ground

A horse can smell fear and fear seems to smell good to a horse

A little variety is a good thing

I am not getting back on a horse for a while

If you look closely, you can see fire in El Diablo's eyes.  Unfortunately I was too scared to take my hands off of the reigns for even one second to get a picture of Brenda.  Trust me when I say that she looked like a professional wrangler.