Living

In my working life, I had a list that helped me make it through my day. Every morning I would get to my office early so I could have a few minutes to review my list and plan my day before the rest of the guys showed up and before the phones started ringing and the emails started flying. I couldn't seem to get everything accomplished that needed to happen on any given day without that list. It seemed that there was just too much to do and my measly brain couldn't keep up with it all if I didn't have the list to keep me straight. The list would grow as new tasks popped up and I would get satisfaction out of crossing a completed item off of the list. It kept me organized and efficient.

A little over a year ago, when we left our home in Seattle to head out on our big adventure, I had made another list. This list that I am going to tell you about wasn't “The List” that all boaters have and that all boaters detest. If you are a boater, you know exactly what I am talking about when I say “The List”. You probably cringed at the mere mention of “The List”. You may have cried or even passed out and peed yourself at the thought of “The List” that is residing on your boat. Don't worry, I am not going to get into that “List” because I don't want to bring up any negative thoughts or emotions, and also, I don't need to be mopping up your tears. Keep it together, for-God-sake's, you are a grown man.

For you non-boaters, “The List” that all boaters detest is the list of needed repairs, upgrades, and never ending projects that all boats have that never seems to go away. Cross one thing off and 12 things magically appear. It's hideous.

This new list that I made was because of a need. On day one of our adventure, shortly after we pulled away from the dock to head North into the great unknown, I realized something terrifying...I had no idea of what we were doing. My focus for at least the last 10 years was to make it to a point where we could quit work and travel the world, and now that we quit work and started our travels, my goal of the last 10 years was achieved. I could cross that goal off of my mental list...quit work and travel...check...work is quit and we are now traveling. Now what am I supposed to do?

Sure, we have lots of stuff to do. It's a big world out there. There is more stuff to see than we can see in a lifetime. I get all of that. But I have always been a guy that has needed a goal to work for. I have always felt a need to be working towards something that was going to be an improvement for myself. I have always needed a direction to head.

Don't get me wrong, this terrifying feeling that I had shortly after we left wasn't terrifying enough to make we want to turn the boat around and head back to work. That's ludicrous. I was still overly excited to have left. I was giddy. I was ecstatic. I was so happy to be starting this adventure that I could hardly contain myself. I had an overwhelming desire to take off all of my clothes, stand on the front of the boat, and scream for joy as we made our way North. We were free and it was great.

But now that my goal of the last 10 years was achieved, I had lost my purpose...and I am a guy who needs purpose. I decided that to give myself purpose, I needed to figure out what I was hoping to accomplish by setting out on this adventure. What was the point? Why were we doing this? What were we trying to achieve?

On day one, at about hour 2, I started my new list. I have added to this list and crossed things off throughout this year, but this is how it started:

1. Notice little things
2. Slow down
3. experience everything
4. don't eat too many Cheez-its (this item has been crossed off...I had to quit cold turkey)
5. document our trip

I know what you are thinking. “That's not much of a list for a guy who is trying to solve some pretty big questions.” That's true, but it was a start.

After a whole year, my questions of purpose on this adventure haven't been answered with anything definitive. They have been generalized in a more hippy-esque kind of answer that is working for me at the moment though. The big answer is...and wait for it...wait for it...still waiting...dramatic pausing...and we're almost there...yep, here we go...it's about living. My purpose has become living. Not the literal definition of the word living...eating, breathing, pooping. But the hippy-esque definition that tells me I'm living. Feeling satisfied, fulfilled, alive, Living.

The biggest thing that has helped me feel alive is number 3 on my newly formed list. Experience everything. I have referred to number 3 countless times this past year. I have tried to say yes to anything and everything that has come our way that was within reason. I still say no to things that will likely kill us, maim us, or force us to go back to work (we want to keep living and we don't have an endless bank account). That mostly means no piggy-back rides on bears, no calling the biker gang a bunch of sissies, and no new Harley Davidson so I can join the gang of sissies, but everything else is a big fat yes.

Our lifestyle has opened up our schedule tremendously and allows us to say yes to just about anything that comes our way. We had planned on being on our boat almost 2 weeks ago to start our Northbound summer sailing adventure but a family medical emergency had popped up. Of course we want to be there so we can help out, so the boat has been put on hold until the emergency is under control. 8 hours of driving later, we were where we needed to be to help out. We spent a week doing what we could, and since medical emergencies involve a lot of waiting, when an invite came our way from our good friends to go white water rafting and camping for a few days, of course we said yes.

After our white water rafting and camping trip, which was amazing by the way, we checked in again on our family member. Still more waiting and nothing we can do at the moment, so when an invite from a newly made friend who we met on our rafting trip came along to undertake a trek into the mountains that would involve a few days of hiking, climbing, and sleeping under the stars in the wilderness, we of course said yes. All of this living seems to put us in the car for lots of driving, but the hours and hours of driving are made worth it by the experiences that happen when the we step out of the car.

So today we are pulling ourselves together and gathering our needed food, supplies, and gear for an exciting trek into the wilderness that will last a few days and take us through a series of the Cascade's high peaks. Tomorrow night we will watch the sunset from the tippety-top of a mountain and will sleep under the stars. We will swim in ice cold glacier fed alpine lakes not because I like freezing my nuts off but because it will be an experience that will remind us that we are alive. For the next few days, we will watch the sunrise from inside our cozy sleeping bags, get up and have a terrible cup of instant coffee, and then have a terrible freeze dried breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It will be great.

When we finally descend the peaks and ridges and make it out on the other side, when we sit down for a real meal, when we have a poop in a real toilet, and when we take a refreshing shower that washes away all of the dirt, sweat, and grime from the last few days of grueling travel with a loaded pack, we will feel alive, fulfilled, and pretty happy to be sleeping in our home on wheels in a comfortable bed, because sleeping on the ground sucks.