A Fair Weather Sailor

July 08, 2016

Brenda and I just realized that we have been back on the boat and cruising around the San Juan Islands for over 2 weeks now. We also just realized that in just a couple more weeks, we'll be heading offshore and making our way down the coast to Mexico. Time sure does fly when you are having fun.

If you are some of the lucky few that know us well, you know that Brenda and I are a pretty good pair. We get along really well, we enjoy each other's company, and we both feel we are lucky to have each other. But if I'm going to be honest here, there are sometimes I just want to throw her overboard.

Before you get your hair all in a tizzy about me throwing my lovely wife overboard, let me explain myself. First of all, if I actually throw her overboard, she probably deserved it (that was a joke...she definitely deserved it). And second of all, if anyone gets thrown overboard, I'm sure it will be me. Brenda is stronger than she looks and I have a pretty good feeling she could take me down if push came to shove. And besides, I'm a lover not a fighter.

There are lots of reasons why we are taking off to sail the world. Adventure, freedom, culture, and a meaningful life all come to mind. But another reason that is high on my list is the fact that I love to sail. The actual act of sailing. I love the feel of the boat with the wheel in my hand, the motion of the ocean under my feet, and the constant tweaking and fiddling of the sails to squeak out a tenth of a knot of more boat speed. To me it's an art form. Some people paint, some people sculpt, and some people play with sidewalk chalk. I sail.

The funny thing is that Brenda has become a sailor too. When the weather is nice and there is a good stiff breeze, you should try to peel the wheel out of her hands. It's not going to happen without a fight. Sometimes I'll say things like “are you getting cold?” or “are you hungry?” or “aren't you getting tired?”, just so I can get a turn at the wheel. Especially now that we have been off of the boat for 10 months and we have a brand spanking new mast that is begging to get broken in. Sailing is now more exciting than it has been for as long as I can remember.

It's sort of like a kid who get's a new toy for his birthday but you play with it in front of his face and say, “not now, you can play with it after I'm done.” It's cruel and unusual punishment. It's just not fair.

This sort of thing has been happening on our boat for the last couple of weeks. When we leave an anchorage, Brenda typically drives while I pull up the anchor and raise the sails. I have enormous muscles so it only makes sense that I use them for the heavy lifting. But this is where the problem comes in. Since Brenda has her hands on the wheel and the sails are up, it's not that easy to pry her paws of the helm. I try my swift talking tactics, I sometimes offer to write her a check for $250,000 (just don't cash it till next week), and I even sometimes offer the holy grail, a back rub for an hour. It never works. Not even the back rub. This is where the thought of throwing her overboard comes in. It's justified. Did I tell you that I love to sail? Remember the kid who's toy your playing with right in front of his face? Yep, it's definitely justified.

There is one thing that seems to work though. And that is rain and/or cold. Brenda grew up in Eastern Washington in teeny-tiny farming community that was sunny 95% of the time. The other 5% of the time the place smelled like cow manure so who would want to go outside anyway? (that was a joke...no offense intended to Brenda's small town friends who smell like cow manure too). Being that she is from an area that is almost entirely made up of sunshine, she is a fair weather sailor. As soon as a drop of rain hits the boat, she is running for cover and curled up down below with a good book.

I on the other hand grew up in the big city of Seattle. Everyone knows that it rains in Seattle 95% of the time and the other 5% of the time it's just gray outside with a 100% chance of rain tomorrow. But the good thing is the city smells like a mix of coffee, traffic, overpriced housing, and homelessness. Since I grew up in the rain, it doesn't phase me one bit. In Seattle, if you don't go out in the rain, you just don't go out ever. That's what rain jackets are made for.

For the last 2 weeks, every time we are out sailing, I've been praying for rain so I can have my shiny new toy back from Brenda. So far it's only worked half of the time. The other half of the time I've been staring at Brenda, scheming and plotting on how I can throw her overboard. Don't worry though, I would turn around and pick her up. But she would be so cold that she would want to stay down below to get warm and that means I would be the one with my hands on the wheel. I think it's a good plan.